Redefining Carriage

Here at the start of the twentieth century, our country faces a change that threatens to destroy the very fabric of our society.  The menace to our people is so great as to call for prompt legislative action.  The cost of this change is far beyond the financial capacity of private industry, in addition to which this new development will wreck our agriculture.

I am speaking of course of the so-called “horseless carriage”.  The very phrase is an oxymoron.  For thousands of years, carriage has been defined as a vehicle and its horse or horses.  Yet the modern Liberal is so overwhelmed by his imagined future that he proposes to redefine the very meaning of the term.  We must act now to stop this gross debasement of God’s will.  As the self-proclaimed leader of the National Organization for Carriage, I urge you to memorize and blindly repeat the following:

  • Carriage is between a vehicle and horse. The people of [this state] do not want carriage to be anything but that. We do not want government or judges changing that definition for us today or our children tomorrow.
  • We need a carriage amendment to settle the horseless carriage issue once and for all, so we don’t have it in our face every day for the next ten years.
  • Carriage is about bringing together horses and vehicles so children can have transport and learn the value of caring for animals.
  • Do we want to teach the next generation that horses are dispensable, unimportant? Children are confused enough right now about the meaning of responsibility. Let’s not confuse them further.
  • Automobile drivers have a right to live as they choose; they don’t have a right to redefine carriage for the rest of us.

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